Thursday, March 15, 2007

CONF 329: PHEW

Normal breathing resumed.

Finally heard from the TV agency woman yesterday and work due in tomorrow.

Big, big sigh of relief.

Thanks to a lovely blogfriend, some ghost-like writing work MAY come my way. I've also had another positive response from an agent to a query letter so hope is flying again and I've just bought croissants and kippers.

I spent the best part of the weekend rewriting. I ditched a whole scene from the vital first 3 chapters. Decided it was too risque too early in & could be what's been putting the agents off . This also means that the vital moving-the-story-on scene is now way up front. (WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS BEFORE??) I've also changed the title. Sent a panic e-mail on Monday to the assistant of the agent who's been sitting on it for over a month now, resubmitting. Fortunately I caught her in time.

Now it's bracing-up time for more no's. The potential over the next few days is pretty impressive:

TV job 1: No bugger off

TV job 2: No communication

Ghost-like writing job 1: Sorry, you're not quite what we're looking for, but good luck. (They've already replied to say they're considering me, and they sound really friendly.)

Inclusion in the wonderful shaggy blog stories: Sorry, the sheer number of entries was overwhelming, hard to choose etc. I am already pleased to receive a thanks e-mail for entering, actually. If I make it or not, will be buying this for everybody I know, even though I don't have a book-buying budget.

Agent 1: Thanks but no thanks.

Agent 2: Along similar lines to my most recent rejection. The market was swamped but now everyone's fighting shy of this genre. Publishing just doesn't know what to do with it.

Anyway, enough of my nophobia. Friend T sent me this yesterday (sorry, no source credit as no source):


"HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in the laundry basket according
to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see
husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly
physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide
loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo
with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it is clean.
Condition your hair with conditioner enhanced with grapefruit and mint.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse
conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off
all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with tile cleaner. Get out of
shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in a super
absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and the hand
towel on head. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed
areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave in a pile
on the floor. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way,
shake willy at her making the "woo-woo" sound. Look at your manly physique
in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum. Get in
the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands
and let the water rinse it off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the
shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash
your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Wee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry
off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath
the whole time. Admire willy size in mirror again. Leave shower
curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. If you pass wife, pull
off towel, shake willy at her and make the "woo-woo" sound again. Throw wet
towel on bed. "

Bye bye, thanks for visiting, come again soon.

2 comments:

Julia Buckley said...

Is it OK if I do the showering like a man? It sounds so much more fun. I haven't got a willy to shake, but I could bounce other bits to make up for it if that's an important step.

:-)

Kate Hardy said...

Just been catching up on your blog (from Lucy Diamond/Kate Harrison) - which I enjoy very much.

Hope the no-brigade turns into the yes-brigade pdq.

And thanks for the laugh re "how to shower" - absolutely brilliant.