Thursday, May 28, 2009

CONF 594: NOT WAITING


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My favourite walk of the moment is an evening stroll around and around the Round Pond in Kensington Gardens. One of those magical places that happens to be smack in the middle of London. Virginia Woolf lived nearby as a child, as did J M Barrie as a grown-up who still wished he was a child - Peter Pan's landing stage is nearby. This summer we have tickets for a staging in the gardens. It's a high tech in the round with a 360 degree screen where you get to fly with the characters. The first poem about the fairies, Kensington Gardens by Thomas Tickell, was written long (long being the word) before Barrie though, in the early 1800s.

Have now heard from my agent. She likes my edits and the ms has gone to the publisher. Thanks for the comments about the agonies of waiting but am feeling no anticipation, good or bad. There's no lurking by my e-mail in-box with baited breath this time. I've been through this so often now. I know now that the opinion that comes back will just be the one opinion of one editor. If she likes it then great, if she doesn't I'll be moving on.

There's still more to do to make the writing side of the second half read smoothly but with this rewrite the story has strengthened quite a lot. It isn't going away and that's all that matters really. As long as there's food on the table and all that. Which there just about is at the moment. I've been living on air for so long now. Have made it through so far I don't fear going under as much as I used to.

Part of the reason for this new equilibrium is because the roof over my head is more secure, albeit with its own set of magnificent problems I wouldn't wish on anybody, but also because I've been reading and rereading Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth and The Power of Now. They have, literally I think, kept me sane. Beyond sane. Calm and enjoying life mostly. I'm completely with Oprah on this one and really do think they're some of the most important books ever written. I normally keep shtoom about these things apart from mentioning them to a few close friends. All I can say is they've seen me through a difficult time and have permanently changed my perspective.

' "One day I'll make it". Is your goal taking up so much of your attention that you reduce the present moment to a means to an end? Is it taking the joy out of your doing? Are you waiting to start living? If you develop such a mind pattern, no matter what you achieve or get, the present will never be good enough, the future will always seem better. A permanent recipe for permanent dissatisfaction and non-fulfillment...' Eckhart Tolle

Bye bye, thanks for visiting, come again soon.

4 comments:

liz fenwick said...

It's good to hear you in just a good place. Fingers crossed.
lx

Kate Hedges said...

Your favourite walk in Kensington Gardens is also mine.

Best wishes for every success with your manuscript. I found your description of the importance of living in the 'now' really helpful.

Kate
www.nocrowds.blogspot.com

Deb said...

Can't wait for our get together and am in awe as ever by your strength and wisdom. xxx D

Amanda Mann said...

Thanks Liz! Kate, glad it was helpful, will look out for you at Round Pond, also North End Road market!, loved your post on that. Debs, I think I was just lucky finding the right self-help book for me more than anything. Looking forward to our strawbs & champagne sundowner hugely too...